Bowel cancer and sexual wellbeing: why it’s important to talk about it

Lorraine Grover is a Psychosexual Nurse Specialist. In this blog, she shares some advice on looking after your sexual wellbeing after a bowel cancer diagnosis. 

Firstly, it’s important that we normalise conversation about sex and bowel cancer. Having a bowel cancer diagnosis and then discussing poo and bodily fluids more than you might have previously, and being examined in intimate areas, can make us think differently about our bodies. All these factors may lead to us losing a sense of our sexual self.

When ill health strikes, a diagnosis alone can affect our sex drive, not to mention the impact that any subsequent treatment can have physically and psychologically. It isn’t just about needing a good blood and nerve supply to our erogenous zones and genitalia to help us have a positive response. Your brain is the biggest sex organ, and being relaxed helps us to feel sexually good and aroused too. Diminished desire, erectile dysfunction, vaginismus, anorgasmia, dyspareunia and rapid ejaculation are common issues that people experience which we need to be aware of. Getting a stoma can bring about changes too, as everyone responds differently to this physical and lifestyle shift. Lastly, the skin is a massive erogenous zone, but chemotherapy and radiotherapy can impact how we feel touch.

It’s important to note that our sexual wellbeing can be a big part of our quality of life. Sexual difficulties may have already existed before your cancer diagnosis too, so communication is important to help bring about positive change.

My tips on how to approach sexual wellbeing after a diagnosis:

Give it time

A cancer diagnosis will impact your life, your body, and your intimate self. Give yourself time to adjust, try new things, and learn about how your body has changed. Some of what you used to enjoy in your sexual practice may change, and you may be awakened in other ways. I advise patients to not be embarrassed about self-pleasure. It’s a great way to learn about what you like. If you don’t know yourself, you won’t feel confident in sharing it.  

Explore with your partner too. Try outercourse and think about fun ways you can connect that may be more sensual rather than sexual. This could be kissing, being playful, holding hands or cuddling while watching a film.

Don’t underestimate the importance of communication

If you don’t communicate, you can catastrophise things, so it’s important to talk about how you’re feeling. Putting your emotions into words can help you figure things out, and through talking about sex you can keep in touch with the sexual side of yourself. The conversation doesn’t have to be with a partner, it could be with a friend, or even with yourself. Write a letter about how you feel about your sex life. This can help put your thoughts in order to guide future conversations with sexual partners.

Plan ahead

If you want to speak to a partner about your sex life, plan ahead. Often when we try to speak about sensitive subjects in the heat of the moment, we can let emotions get the better of us and turn to blame. Take a step back, reflect, and plan a time to discuss. I advise you to choose a time when you’re not in an intimate area like the bedroom and not talk late at night when you’re tired. This will help you approach the issue with a clear head.

If you’re a bowel cancer patient, ask a member of your oncology team for advice and support about your sexual wellbeing if you have concerns. 

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