Winter Wellbeing: Loved ones
Wednesday 10 December 2025
The festive period is often described as the season of joy, celebration and togetherness. However, for those affected by bowel cancer, and especially those who’ve lost someone to the disease, this isn’t always the case.
Why can the festive period be such a difficult time of year?
The festive period, and other big events, are often an emotional time, with a lot of memories and traditions attached. Being affected by bowel cancer can make things feel very different to previous years. Especially if your loved one is no longer with us.
It’s a busy time of the year, where you may be juggling various social demands related to the festive season. For example, you may be meeting up with people you don’t see often and be asked lots of questions. Or you might be staying away from home and feel somewhat unsettled. All of these things can add up and make it a difficult time.
You may feel many different emotions, such as grief or guilt after losing a loved one. You could be anxious about the future and the expectations the festive period can bring. Or you might be feeling grateful and welcome the distraction.
No matter how you’re feeling, it’s important to remember that there’s no right or wrong way to feel.
Advice for your first festive season without your loved one
Whether it’s the first one without your loved one, or you’re further along your grieving journey, the festive season can be challenging.
If you’re meeting up with people you haven’t seen for a while, you might find it helpful to prepare some answers to the question “How are you?”. Having answers like, “It’s been a difficult time, but today I want to focus on being with friends and family”, ready can be really helpful.
Try not to feel pressured to have a ‘perfect’ time. Be honest with your loved ones about what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. You might find it easier to tell one person that you’re close to and they can let others know.
Going through big life changes, like receiving a bowel cancer diagnosis or losing a loved one, can bring the opportunity to start new traditions.
You could make time to remember your loved ones who are no longer with us. Some people light a candle or set a place at the table for them. Others like to share stories and memories.
Keith and Jennifer’s story
Someone who knows the effect of losing a loved one, especially during the festive season, is Keith who has kindly shared his story with us. This story heavily mentions loss and covers some emotional topics. We know reading about experiences like Keith and Jennifer's can be helpful, but also difficult. If you’re not feeling up to reading an emotional story, you can move past this section using the button below.
Keith sadly lost his wife Jennifer to bowel cancer in January 2024. Keith and Jennifer were together for thirty-two years and married for twenty-six. Throughout their time together, she was the person who “made Christmas”.
Speaking about Jennifer’s love for Christmas, Keith shared some of the traditions their family built together and the magic she brought to the season: “Our three children would have stockings hung over their doors, a mince pie and a glass of Whiskey was left for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph. They were mesmerised by her fake footprints at the door.
“Jennifer was taught how to make her own stuffing balls by her Mum, a recipe passed down from her Nana — my children all now have that recipe and it’s a must on Christmas day.”
“Putting the tree up was her thing, I would get it down from the loft and watched in awe as she made this mangled up tree come to life, it was always up early too. On 1 December 2023 she put our tree up again for the very last time.”
Keith also told us about their last Christmas together, highlighting “how much she valued Christmas”.
“Jennifer passed away on 7 January 2024, I nursed her through her last days and that last Christmas Day was the hardest day ever.
“Sitting around a table knowing this would be the very last time we would do it as a family was a pain I have never felt before. As we sat at the table we had a photograph together, which was the last ever picture taken together. A picture full of sadness, hearts breaking inside but a bravery I have never experienced before but also a picture I will treasure for the rest of my life.
“We didn’t know if she would make that day, but that night she said to me as we lay in bed “Keith we did it, we got there, was it nice, was it special.“ Even as her days passed she was more concerned that it was special for everyone else.”
Their first Christmas without Jennifer
In December 2024, Keith and his family spent their first Christmas without Jennifer.
“My first Christmas without her was enormously difficult, I put the tree up as she made me promise to. Even with my uneducated hand I was proud of my achievement, however the moment became a lot more special by a surprise she planned before her passing.
Jennifer purchased a bauble that had a catch on the front and said “Open me“. My daughter opened it and found a note she had written inside which read simply “I love you all xxx“.
Even after passing this was her message to us all at such a special time of the year. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for her to write that, her message gives us all such comfort.”
Keith’s advice to anyone facing Christmas without their loved ones
This year will be the second year Keith and his family have without Jennifer. We asked him if he had any advice he could share for people going through a similar experience:
“My advice to anyone facing their first Christmas alone or even subsequent ones is this:
Don’t feel compelled to make plans, and if you do, tell people it may change depending on how you feel at the time.
It’s ok to feel lost, to cry and to feel out of sorts, be kind to yourself.
Don’t do anything that you do not want to do and be where you are most comfortable. For me that is remaining in my own home where I can remember her, that can be hard for others to understand.
Remember it’s ok to smile, to laugh and to even enjoy it, your loved one would have wanted nothing more for you than to enjoy it.
And finally, the best advice I would give is, even though your loved one is not present, buy yourself a gift from them and even buy them one back — something simple like an ornament for the house or a small plant etc for the garden. It really does help me to do this and makes me feel their presence.”
What can you do if you’re finding this festive season difficult?
It’s important to know that you’re not alone and there are places you can find comfort and support, like our forum. Our welcoming online community is available all year-round and is full of people who all have first-hand experience of bowel cancer and truly understand what it’s like.
Our website has lots of information and booklets to help you at all points of your bowel cancer journey — from first noticing symptoms, to living with bowel cancer and beyond.
We also have resources for the loved ones of those with bowel cancer, with topics covering supporting someone with the disease, money worries and family history. You’ll also find a special bereavement support hub for those who’ve lost someone to bowel cancer.
Seasonal support for you
We’re here to support you no matter what your experience of bowel cancer is. Find more information and the right support for you on our support for you page.
Follow our #WinterWellbeing campaign over on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, X and TikTok.
