Gillian Bainbridge, Tyne and Wear
I was diagnosed with stage 3 bowel cancer in February 2021, aged 41.
I noticed blood in my poo in September 2020 but it stopped. It happened again a few months later but stopped. I told myself if it happened once more then I’d go to the doctors. I have irregular bowel habits with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) so the blood was the only symptom.
The following January the blood appeared again so I decided to get in touch with my GP. It was during Covid so I had a telephone appointment. The locum wasn’t overly worried and said it would be haemorrhoids. After two weeks, the bleeding hadn’t stopped so I got in touch again. A different locum called me in for a physical examination and asked for a FIT test to rule out anything sinister. The results of the fit test came back with a level that needed investigation and I was put on a two week referral to the hospital. No one seemed overly worried. After all, I was young and healthy with no family history of any cancer.
So as I had the colonoscopy and I saw my tumour in the screen, I had no idea what it was. It never crossed my mind it would be cancer. When I was in recovery, a nurse took me into a tiny room with a doctor and a nurse. That’s when I was told I had cancer.
It was the biggest shock. I was 41, happily married and a mum of a 12 and nine year old. My life and their life changed forever. It felt like someone had picked me up out of my life and put me on a path that I didn’t want to be on. Life centred around hospital appointments and test results. My husband became my nurse and carer and supported us all on this difficult journey. He is my rock.
I had a lower anterior resection within two weeks of my diagnosis. They removed a foot of my bowel. I stayed in hospital for five days with no visitors due to COVID restrictions and the recovery was hard work. I’m left with lower anterior syndrome with erratic, unpredictable bowel movements. My life is ruled by where the nearest toilets are.
When the results of my tumour came through, I had five out of 18 lymph nodes affected so ‘mop up’ chemo was recommended. This hit me hardest because the oncologist talked about survival rates and odds and mine weren’t brilliant. It made me so anxious but I was determined that I’d have the chemotherapy treatment and do they most to stop reoccurrence. As my anxiety spiralled, I was referred to the hospital’s cancer psychologist who has worked with me since. He’s my hero for helping me out of a pit of despair.
I completed 12 cycles of Folfox over six months. It weakened me but I just let my body do what it needed. It was rough and now looking back feels like a really bad nightmare. I can’t quite believe I was strong enough to get through it. I was weak after chemo finished and it took me a long time to get back to a new ‘normal’. I’ve been left with peripheral neuropathy from my chemo which is particularly bad in winter.
It’s coming up to the magical five-year mark. A date that I really wasn’t quite sure if I’d reach. Every scan or blood test for surveillance brings such great anxiety, in fact any health problem always creates a niggle in the back of my mind of ‘what if?’ With every passing year from diagnosis, I was convinced that I was getting closer to a reoccurrence, and I don’t think hitting the five-year mark will stop me worrying. The thought of not being under surveillance anymore does concern me greatly but I'll have another colonoscopy before I reach the NHS screening age.
My cancer diagnosis was devastating and the treatment was gruelling but I feel like going through this horrific experience has changed parts of me for the better. I've realised that I am a tough cookie! I'm more accepting of things I can’t control, I step outside of my comfort zone more often and I never take life for granted. I like to find happiness in even the smallest places: pretty skies, spring flowers, my children’s laughter. I plan to enjoy every minute of time that I'm lucky enough to have with my family. My motto is ‘thrive not just survive’.
