Abigail Hopkins, East Sussex

I was diagnosed on 14 December 2020 at the age of 52. 

For about a year before my diagnosis, I noticed small traces of blood when I went to the loo and on wiping. In the beginning it was quite infrequent and sometimes more like pale pink mucous rather than blood. Even though I knew instinctively something was wrong, I was in a state of denial telling myself, “It was probably haemorrhoids and would ‘go away’”.  

I’d been travelling frequently to New York and in 2019 when I went to the loo, the blood was bright red and I had flu-like symptoms and coughing. I thought it was asthma, later I was diagnosed with silent reflux, but on my return to the UK, the mild flu-like symptoms and coughing persisted.  

Throughout 2020 my symptoms escalated. The rectal bleeding became more intense with clots and at times I could hardly make it to the loo in time. I’d prided myself on being fit for a 50-plus year old doing intense forms of yoga, freestyle dance and jogging a mile and back to the seafront. Towards the end of the year, I could barely walk to the sea and back to my house without being very out of breath and with a palpitating heart and would need to lie down with this unnatural tiredness. I’d also started my MA in Filmmaking, mostly online. On the two occasions when we had to film on campus, I felt so tired I had to drive home early. I was by now getting stomach pains and this feeling of whole-body weakness. 

Because the rectal bleeding had escalated, I took home a FIT test, which came back negative, but my GP referred me immediately for a colonoscopy. Since I was not sedated and saw the tumour, it was very obvious that there was something seriously wrong, and so I was diagnosed that day. I was on my own, I cried.  

After getting home and breaking the news to my loved ones over the phone, my sharply practical side took over. I told my Macmillan nurse that I was going to focus on surviving.  I’ve done meditation for over 20 years, and this really helped me to stay as calm as I could and to be present. I had days when I was terrified, but my aim was to stay calm and comply with the medical professionals. Rather than see it as a ‘battle’ I had to win, I chose to see it as a human experience that I was living through. For me, it was important to be very compassionate to my body with the tumour. 

I was referred to The Royal Marsden Cancer Hospital for my treatment, and so it made sense for me to live with my mum who was in London. In February 2021, because the tumour was inoperable, I had chemoradiotherapy to shrink it. The radiotherapy was successful, so I was able to have low anterior resection surgery in June 2021. I was fitted with a stoma which was reversed a year later. About six weeks after the surgery I was on CAPOX chemo, a combination of Capecitabine and intravenous Oxaliplatin, for three months.  

I decided to resume my MA in Filmmaking which had been deferred for eight months and I made video diaries charting my progress as part of my coursework.  

The chemo ended on 5 November 2021, and my stoma was reversed in June 2022. I was the most afraid before the surgery, because I thought I might die on the operating table, but my medical team, my surgeon and my anaesthetist were so reassuring, the surgery was the thing I most wanted to get out of the way. The intravenous chemo was gruelling so I broke it down into weekly blocks and this really helped me. Also restarting my MA, taking up macro wildlife photography, plans to record my charity album, and writing about my journey, all kept me strong and motivated with good things to look forward to.   

I’m coming up to my five years of CT and MRI scans and, if I’m still in remission in May this year (2026), this will be the last of my surveillance scans. I’ll need to have colonoscopies every two or three years probably for the rest of my life. During my treatments I also signed up to TRAAC research to help other people. 

Immediately after the treatments and surgery had ended, I was still processing the enormity of what had happened to me and I felt emotionally numb. I was also self-conscious about my scars and my stoma. Though I’ll never be the same person after cancer, I’m now in a good and peaceful place. I don’t really dwell too much on the thought of the cancer coming back.  

Cancer has also made me incredibly grateful for life, and rather than speeding up, I now relish leading a slower life, where I really appreciate simple beauty, including quite mundane things. I’m also very assertive! I’m much more in touch with what feels good and what doesn’t so I focus on the good things.  

Being a cancer survivor has also got me back to my creativity and has given me a real passion to raise awareness and break the ‘poo taboo’ by talking openly about my own journey. I’ve recorded a charity album, “Stardust” raising money for The Royal Marsden Cancer Charity and made a documentary about the emotional aspects of my cancer journey, titled “Under This Sky” and this has done well on the film festival circuit. 

I graduated with an MA Distinction in 2023. I have plans to make a feature length documentary about bowel cancer, and I’d like to start a cancer related podcast. 

I’ve found Bowel Cancer UK’s Instagram posts very helpful and I will often repost these to help others. I would definitely recommend finding as many support networks, charities and forums as you can, because cancer is not something you want to go through alone.  

And finally, take any symptoms seriously and don’t feel embarrassed about going to your GP. Don’t put it off like I did for over a year – mine is a cautionary tale!